Now if only Renault offered self esteem courses after being seen in their vehicles

Renault proudly announced that they’re going to set up special training courses to electric car buyers get the most from them.

In non-marketing-speak that translates into: Renault proudly announced that their customers are morons who have trouble finding their front door in the mornings, let alone safely drive the future of automotive transport. Renault firmly believes it’s customers couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery.

In all honesty though the course could prove useful to that group of drivers out there who expect nothing from their cars but dull gray transport, and prefer a more mind-numbing driving experience. The sort of people who don’t have a computer.
Or a phone.

The courses could prove especially useful in helping to solve the number one mental illness induced by electric cars: Range anxiety. For those who’ve driven an EV regularly as a commuter vehicle, or those who have a long-range EV, range anxiety isn’t an issue. But ask one of those “What’s an internet?” motorists and before you know it you’ll have a pandemic of sheer chaos, followed by howling and gnashing of teeth etc.

These EV driving schools will be an extension of those Renault already runs in France – which explains a lot about the amusing driving habits of French motorists. These lessons are also planned to be extended to that fresh new country, the Czech Republic, then Germany, Poland and Spain, with the UK and Portugal later in the future.

Non-marketing-speak: out of all those European countries, UK and Portugal need driving lessons the least.

Renault’s first electric cars will come to the UK next year. There will be a battery-powered version of the fairly unattractive “Kangoo” van, and a utterly stupid, completely ridiculous, four-wheeled disability scooter called the “Twizy” (pictured at the top of the article). If you listen very carefully you can actually hear my skin crawling.

If Renault’s reputation can survive those electric comedy acts, then in 2012 we finally get real electric cars, when Renault introduces a compact saloon called the Fluence (an abbreviation for Flatulence) and a zippy electric supermini called the Zoe.

In the same press release Renault did their annual tweaking to their gasoline and diesel engines to make them a little “less worse” – but no one really cares about that stuff; come on Renault! Give us EVs!