Gavin Shoebridge – an electric vehicle nut, a keen environmentalist

                Electric Car Conversion Blog By Gavin Shoebridge

May 23rd, 2013 at 7:53 am

The Tesla Model S Will Never be a Success.

What if only Elon Musk had listened to the wisdom of anonymous Internet posters?

What if Elon Musk had listened to the wisdom of anonymous Internet posters?

Yes it’s a very bold headline with an even bolder picture of a crashed Tesla Model S.

I’ve done this so you can try to get inside mind of an anti-Tesla critic for a moment. He or she is a person that has never driven a Tesla Model S, and possibly never will, but even so he or she still hates everything about it.

There’s never been a better time to create such a blogpost, considering Tesla has just finished paying off their DOE loan nine years early, and already started turning a a profit this year. So allow me to dive into the Internet’s history books and have some fun.

Today’s post is just a tiny fragment of some wonderfully bad predictions of the utterly breathtaking Tesla Model S from bloggers, reporters, and (most enjoyably) anonymous Internet posters – with the benefit of hindsight.

Eric Jackson's arrogance and predictive capability failed him.

Eric Jackson’s predictive capability failed him again.

Let’s start with the self-proclaimed finance “professional” Eric Jackson, Senior Contributor for TheStreet, who blasted Tesla’s Model S back in August 2010. Jackson delightfully listed eight detailed reasons “Why Tesla Is the Next Webvan“, with Webvan being a home delivery business that went bankrupt in 2001. He was cataclysmically wrong in his predictions on Tesla, as history now shows. Jackson is now certain that everyone has forgotten about his embarrassingly misled article.

Let’s just be glad he doesn’t offer financial advice for a living. Oh, wait…

Sadly it gets worse/more confusing when we start looking towards self-proclaimed “Eco” writers such as Benjamin Jones. He doesn’t know if he loves or hates the Model S, so he does both. Badly.

Forbes, Consumer Reports, and Green Car Reports: You're all wrong.

Forbes, Consumer Reports, and Green Car Reports: You’re all wrong; the Model S is actually shit.

Jones placed himself on the wrong side of history in 2009 by having a hilarious go at slamming Tesla’s upcoming Model S by listing its many, many faults and suggesting it’s an environmental disaster. Benny-boy desperately threw a whole page worth of insults at the non-existant car as if it had threatened his very existence. Unfortunately for us, it didn’t.

My favourite line was how this new electric sedan is “little more than a pile of promises floated on the hopes of receiving $500 million of funding from an outside source.”

The article was written on the 1st of April, but he assures us it’s not an April fools’ joke. I can only assume if pressed, he’ll go back on his word and say, “Oh.. uh, no, it really was an April fools’ joke (nervous laugh)”.

 

Call me crazy, but I might be detecting a theme here.

Call me crazy, but I might be detecting a theme here.

Now I couldn’t possibly offer a list of journalistic failures regarding predicting the Model S without mentioning Jalopnik.com. These firmly anti-Tesla boys have had so many years of (thinly veiled) attacks on the Model S that their comments sections have now transformed into rebuking grounds from the world’s growing Tesla fan base.

Matt Hardigree is the worst of the lot, and his stories are so dreadfully biased I’ve found it easier to just compile together a handful of headlines above to give you an idea how bad they are. Seriously guys, are you trying to beat Fox News at unfair and unbalanced news? Jalopnik have noticed the growing numbers of comment-attacks, and have begun writing more neutral stories about Tesla, but it’s obviously a pained effort.

Now for something a bit more freestyle.

It’s time to dive into the murky depths of the Internet’s many (often anonymous) comments sections under articles. Allow me to place some entertaining snippets from individuals whom we can now call the Harold Campings of automotive history.

"There is no way that Tesla will succeed"

“There is no way that Tesla will succeed”

Truth be told, Tesla’s Model S did have some touch & go moments, where its fate was never certain, but Elon Musk obviously knows what he’s doing and has worked tirelessly to make his dream a reality. I’m sure the failed predictor detlump on the other hand is still living in his mother’s basement.

 

Dude, don't ever become a palm reader.

Dude, don’t ever become a palm reader.

The Canadian user SKiD666 then decided to chip in to offer the world his wealth of experience in Tesla’s then-upcoming Model S by claiming Tesla have got all the money form their “suckers customers” that they’re ever going to. Those poor suckers.

 

Dr. McCoy: "Your prediction's dead, Jim."

Dr. McCoy: “Your prediction’s dead, Jim.”

Upon hearing the news that Tesla’s fabled Model S is nearing production, Jim decided to chip in with his wealth of financial and business experience that consists of knowing which vending machine option sometimes dispenses two chocolate bars instead of one.

 

Nothing to offer. Only power, style, acceleration, popularity, and of course profit.

Nothing to offer. Only power, style, acceleration, popularity, and of course profit.

Caltex1nomad jumped on the bandwagon of failed predicitons regarding Tesla three years ago to flex his analytic muscle. Sadly he should have invested that time and effort into watching Skating With the Stars, a short-lived 2010 reality TV flop that some predicted would be a real hit. People like caltex1nomad, I expect.

 

The Internet won't remember this post, right?

The Internet won’t remember these posts, right?

I’ll leave it there, but if you want more there are a wealth of other terrible Model S predictions still sitting out there in Internet land, ripe for the picking.

With that in mind, please allow me to offer you two useful pieces of advice: Be careful with your predictions, and, the Internet is forever.

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  • MIke
    2:23 pm on June 6th, 2013 1

    Great post, these folks must all feel clever now that Tesla is doing so well!

 

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