Yesterday evening at 4:45pm a suicide bomber walked into Auckland’s Scheplam Conference Facility before detonating an estimated 4kg of explosives, creating a massacre like New Zealand has never before seen.
The conference hall was busy hosting the 2010 Annual Warrant of Fitness Officer Awards with 310 Warrant of Fitness (WoF) Testing Officers in attendance.
The bomb detonated only minutes before the MCPY Award (most cars passed in one year) was handed out to Tim “Timid” Davison (82) for successfully passing a total of sixteen vehicles in the twelve month period.
The conference’s youngest Testing Officer, Clyde Samson (74) was mortally wounded by his clipboard during the explosion, with his last words reported as, “It failed…” Before passing away just a few minutes later.
Ninety-three Warrant of Fitness officers survived the attack unscathed however. The ninety-three fortunate survivors were still in the lobby, reportedly arguing about the level of brightness coming from one of the facility light bulbs.
One officer beckoned another into the lobby to point at the light bulb with him while offering a valuable second opinion – a common industry practice, with that particular officer beckoning another, and so forth until there was a sea of grey hair and arguing filling the facility lobby.
The survivors were quoted as saying, “[they] felt more angry and vengeful than normal”. Many were also overheard saying how they’re going to pull themselves together, hide any negative emotions and return to work as scheduled at various Vehicle Testing Stations the very next morning.
The Coroner was assisted by some of the survivors of the disaster, each of them taking turns identifying bodies while noting areas that failed to meet basic life requirements, causing death. One of the junior WoF Officers, Samuel Kurnt (89) suggested that one of the corpses shouldn’t have been on, or near a roadside in the first place.
Police photographs paint a grisly picture, showing fragments of furniture, a handful of clipboards and literally dozens of blood-stained, knee-high socks scattered throughout the hall.
Earlier that day the 2010 Parking Warden Awards were taking place in the same conference hall where Meter Maids and Parking Wardens from all over the world were in attendance.
A spokesperson for the Wellington chapter of the Parking Warden Association, Cruela Jefferies said, “We feel very lucky to be alive, and and an act of defiance we’re cancelling all staff leave and will be doubling the numbers of parking wardens on the streets over the next few weeks”.
Al Qaeda initially claimed responsibility for the attack, before noting an unusual level of public support for their actions. This unprecedented support shocked Al Qaeda into issuing another statement. The terrorist organisation were concerned that the attack was being misinterpreted as a goodwill gesture, and followed up saying, “It’s not what we’re about”.
A memorial service for the deceased will be held at 4:55pm on Friday at the Auckland Vehicle Testing Station on Paua Street. Latecomers will be turned away once they’ve waited at the entrance for 25 minutes.
