Now if only Renault offered self esteem courses after being seen in their vehicles

Renault proudly announced that they’re going to set up special training courses to electric car buyers get the most from them.

In non-marketing-speak that translates into: Renault proudly announced that their customers are morons who have trouble finding their front door in the mornings, let alone safely drive the future of automotive transport. Renault firmly believes it’s customers couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery.

In all honesty though the course could prove useful to that group of drivers out there who expect nothing from their cars but dull gray transport, and prefer a more mind-numbing driving experience. The sort of people who don’t have a computer.
Or a phone.

The courses could prove especially useful in helping to solve the number one mental illness induced by electric cars: Range anxiety. For those who’ve driven an EV regularly as a commuter vehicle, or those who have a long-range EV, range anxiety isn’t an issue. But ask one of those “What’s an internet?” motorists and before you know it you’ll have a pandemic of sheer chaos, followed by howling and gnashing of teeth etc.

These EV driving schools will be an extension of those Renault already runs in France – which explains a lot about the amusing driving habits of French motorists. These lessons are also planned to be extended to that fresh new country, the Czech Republic, then Germany, Poland and Spain, with the UK and Portugal later in the future.

Non-marketing-speak: out of all those European countries, UK and Portugal need driving lessons the least.

Renault’s first electric cars will come to the UK next year. There will be a battery-powered version of the fairly unattractive “Kangoo” van, and a utterly stupid, completely ridiculous, four-wheeled disability scooter called the “Twizy” (pictured at the top of the article). If you listen very carefully you can actually hear my skin crawling.

If Renault’s reputation can survive those electric comedy acts, then in 2012 we finally get real electric cars, when Renault introduces a compact saloon called the Fluence (an abbreviation for Flatulence) and a zippy electric supermini called the Zoe.

In the same press release Renault did their annual tweaking to their gasoline and diesel engines to make them a little “less worse” – but no one really cares about that stuff; come on Renault! Give us EVs!

Chinese Car Makers Get Incentives to Love You Long Time

Everyone else appears to be on the back foot compared to China. Not only did the country mariculously emerge stronger after the recession, but to make sure they grow-grow-grow even more, the Chinese Ministry of Finance announced a trial plan in five cities to pay an EV and hybrid subsidy up to 60,000 yuan ($8,784) directly to the carmakers – rather than car buyers.

This encourages car makers to build them without worry of selling them. “But that sounds silly – where’s the incentive for Chinese citizens to buy them?” you ask? Well it’s not silly, because China’s car makers are openly planning massive export operations in the very near future. A massive slice of all produced vehicles are intended to go overseas.

This means you’ll have cut-price, decent-quality, 100% electric vehicles – all made in China – at dealerships near you this decade. The “usual” car makers from America and Europe will have an incredible challenge tying to match the low Chinese labour & manufacturing costs.

Private Chinese buyers of EVs will still get a (smaller) 3,000 yuan ($440) payment from dealers but the real target is on increasing manufacturing.

Initially EVs in China have been manufactured in trials with small fleet tests with car makers begging governments for subsidies to make these normally expensive vehicles much more cost-competitive in the marketplace.

These new subsidies of up to 60,000 yuan ($8000) – a heck of a lot of money in the Chinese marketplace – for plug-in hybrids & electric cars will be paid out in five cities.
And what a coincidence – those five cities happen to be the homes of five major Chinese automakers.

My advice to Western car makers is to keep a close eye on China and try to copy (and beat) what they do. China can actually make some quality stuff when forced to, so there’s no reason why they can’t be selling cheap, yet quality 5-Star safety rated vehicles at local dealers.

The Japanese did it despite our initial criticism – as did the Koreans, so watch out world!

Yesterday evening at 4:45pm a suicide bomber walked into Auckland’s Scheplam Conference Facility before detonating an estimated 4kg of explosives, creating a massacre like New Zealand has never before seen.

The conference hall was busy hosting the 2010 Annual Warrant of Fitness Officer Awards with 310 Warrant of Fitness (WoF) Testing Officers in attendance.

The bomb detonated only minutes before the MCPY Award (most cars passed in one year) was handed out to Tim “Timid” Davison (82) for successfully passing a total of sixteen vehicles in the twelve month period.

The conference’s youngest Testing Officer, Clyde Samson (74) was mortally wounded by his clipboard during the explosion, with his last words reported as, “It failed…” Before passing away just a few minutes later.

Ninety-three Warrant of Fitness officers survived the attack unscathed however. The ninety-three fortunate survivors were still in the lobby, reportedly arguing about the level of brightness coming from one of the facility light bulbs.

One officer beckoned another into the lobby to point at the light bulb with him while offering a valuable second opinion – a common industry practice, with that particular officer beckoning another, and so forth until there was a sea of grey hair and arguing filling the facility lobby.

The survivors were quoted as saying, “[they] felt more angry and vengeful than normal”. Many were also overheard saying how they’re going to pull themselves together, hide any negative emotions and return to work as scheduled at various Vehicle Testing Stations the very next morning.

The Coroner was assisted by some of the survivors of the disaster, each of them taking turns identifying bodies while noting areas that failed to meet basic life requirements, causing death. One of the junior WoF Officers, Samuel Kurnt (89) suggested that one of the corpses shouldn’t have been on, or near a roadside in the first place.

Police photographs paint a grisly picture, showing fragments of furniture, a handful of clipboards and literally dozens of blood-stained, knee-high socks scattered throughout the hall.

Earlier that day the 2010 Parking Warden Awards were taking place in the same conference hall where Meter Maids and Parking Wardens from all over the world were in attendance.

A spokesperson for the Wellington chapter of the Parking Warden Association, Cruela Jefferies said, “We feel very lucky to be alive, and and an act of defiance we’re cancelling all staff leave and will be doubling the numbers of parking wardens on the streets over the next few weeks”.

Al Qaeda initially claimed responsibility for the attack, before noting an unusual level of public support for their actions. This unprecedented support shocked Al Qaeda into issuing another statement. The terrorist organisation were concerned that the attack was being misinterpreted as a goodwill gesture, and followed up saying, “It’s not what we’re about”.

A memorial service for the deceased will be held at 4:55pm on Friday at the Auckland Vehicle Testing Station on Paua Street. Latecomers will be turned away once they’ve waited at the entrance for 25 minutes.

UPS proudly announced its fleet of alternative-fuel vehicles had expanded with the deployment of 50 next-generation hybrid delivery trucks to Philadelphia.

Problem is, unless Captain Picard is driving the thing there’s nothing remotely “Next Generation” about it.

These 50 new vehicles are technically not “alternative fuel” vehicles because they have no option to run solely on another fuel source, whether it’s gas, electricity, or love.

Like most hybrids, the vehicles are still primarily driven by their polluting internal combustion engine and there’s nothing the driver can do about it.

The vehicles have no plug-in option, and guess what happens if the vehicle runs out of diesel? Well you can forget crawling the vehicle to the next gas station, because it simply won’t budge on electric-only mode if it detects no “dinosaur juice” in the tank.

Yes of course there are fuel saving benefits to these vehicles, but let’s not delude ourselves that they’re “green” or “eco-friendly” because they’re simply not. No vehicle is eco friendly, but there are better alternatives to burning 3 gallons of gas to drop off a 5 lb package.

All-electric delivery vehicles are a major step in clearing the air, and they are cleaner to operate than diesels even when running off coal-fired electricity. If UPS wants to make a difference, they should be switching their local delivery fleet to 100% all electric.

Large electric vehicles do exist (for example, see www.smithelectricvehicles.com) and they operate at around $0.06 US per mile without a single fume. They’re cleaner, quieter, and cheaper to operate than the best “new generation” hybrid available.

UPS are putting a lot of effort into eco-friendly initiatives, yet they’re not focusing on renewable transport nearly enough. They have the resources to convert dozens of their existing vehicles to 100% electric using off-the-shelf components today.

UPS, Your money could have been better spent converting existing delivery vehicles. There, I’ve had my rant!

No, this isn’t some slimy advertisement for a loan company. This is an attempt to get you to save for your next car – something people think is old fashioned and out of date.

When we think of buying a car we think of getting a loan for it so we can “Buy now, pay later” or some other dreadful marketing cliché. The truth is (and I mean it) that you should save for the car and not go into debt for it.

Statistics show that people who save up for an item, rather than buy it with financial assistance (a fancy term for borrowing someone else’s money) enjoy the item much more. They also look after the item better and are prouder of it.

I know what you’re thinking. “But I could drive away today in that car whereas saving up would take me months!” And yes, you’d be right – but think of the money you’ll save.

For example, let’s look at a 3-year car loan for $8000, with interest at around 9%. While filling out the paperwork only takes 15 minutes, after 3 years you’ll have paid back the loan – plus another $720!
“Oh it’s only $720” you say? Well that’s great! If $720 is such a tiny amount, then why not put it in the bank each week?

The thing is, for most of us (the kind of people who think they need a car loan) $720 isn’t spare change and is hard to come by. That’s a good enough reason to keep that money in a separate bank account – one without a debit card to reduce temptation – and build it up from there.

Some might say, “But what about those 0% interest loans?” and admittedly they do sound good. But like any loan they will have substantial “fees” built into the loan. Not only that, you’re trapped with that car for 3 years.

Then of course what happens if you lose your job or you have unforeseen circumstances?
I can tell you right now what will happen: the loan company would use a debt collector to track down your car and take it away in the middle of the night. Then all of your repayments will have been a waste of time – and you’d be carless.

Then there’s depreciation. Get halfway through your loan and your car will probably be worth 20% to 40% less than what you took the loan out for – yet you’re still paying! You’re trapped.

People like us find all kinds of ways to justify out-of-reach purchases. Do you really need that late model car? Probably not, so make do with what you’ve got and save until you can!

Yes it will take time to save for a car. It could even take a couple of years. But imagine the bargaining power you’ll have arriving at a car dealer with cash! Not only that, you’ll love your car so much more!

I paid cash for my current car and owe nothing on it. It took a long time to save the money I needed but I can sleep easy knowing I have no monthly payments. Plus, if I decide to sell it I don’t have to pay anyone back a single cent.

I’m not alone either; thousands of others are switching to saving for their cars instead of borrowing.
It’s healthier and smarter – but don’t just take my word for it; do it yourself. You’ll thank me later.